While most everything else surrounding Deflategate remains a confusing, convoluted mess, the rules that kicked in at 4 p.m. Saturday for Tom Bradys involuntary, 30-day NFL sabbatical are simple and straightforward: zero contact.Thats right, during his September suspension, Brady is not only banned from Gillette Stadium property and forbidden to talk to Bill Belichick or any other coaches, hes not even allowed to chat football with teammates away from the facility. Sure, he can still work out, throw and watch as much film as he wants -- as long as its not provided by the Patriots. His trainer is allowed to contact the team on his behalf.Other than that, the ironclad rules governing Bradys time in pigskin purgatory appear, well, nearly Patriot-proof. If the three-time Super Bowl MVP even sees someone resembling Rob Gronkowski shopping for frozen burritos in his local grocery store, he should abandon his cart and sprint the other way until hes rendered incapacitated by fear and exhaustion, like in the AFC Championship Game.In all seriousness, for a workaholic and, arguably, the greatest quarterback of all time, its gonna be a long month. Luckily, weve compiled a handy bunch of ways Brady can maximize his free time. No extra charge for the ideas, Tom.Sure, the rules forbid Brady from any contact with the NFL. But they dont say anything about the Canadian Football League, am I right? It just so happens that a professional football team in Montreal, a mere 300-mile commute up I-89, is currently dead last in the CFLs East division standings and scoring. Look, if the CFL was good enough for Warren Moon and Doug Flutie, it can help Brady, too. If in September you suddenly see a guy named Bom Trady leading the CFL in passing yards, dont be confused. You heard it here, first. This plan has zero downside. Injuries? Canada has universal health care. Montreal is home to the Molson brewery headquarters. And the cooler weather only gives Tom -- I mean Bom -- a head start on showing off this seasons new line of Ugg boots.?Bradys weird wellness diet consists of 80 percent vegetables, zero sugar, zero white flour, zero coffee and, one can only assume, zero reason to live. (Thats unfair, Brady sometimes splurges with avocado ice cream.) After watching Brady get bullied, battered and bruised by the Broncos, who hit him 23 times during the AFC title game, I had only one thought: This poor guy needs some extra padding. His break seems like the perfect opportunity for Brady to expand his palate as well as his waistline. Did you know there are more than 1,200 Dunkin Donut franchises in Massachusetts, or roughly one store for every 6,500 residents? Dunkin is also a major corporate sponsor of the Pats. Well, Ive done the math: The Pats QB could spend up to 30 minutes in every Dunkin store in the state and consume a grand total of 14,400 Munchkins and 187 gallons of coffee this month. Hed return to the field severely sleep deprived but with just enough extra padding to face his next beatdown by the Broncos, in Week 15.?After almost two years, who isnt sick of talking about Deflategate? Tom Terrific must need a healthy dose of salvation, peace and, most of all, silence. There are a handful of top sanctuaries within a few hours from Foxboro. Many offer 30 days of 100 percent silent meditative programs that promise to return retreatants back to their careers reinvigorated with a renewed sense of family values and justice values. Think of it as an extra long Belichick news conference with incense and yoga. Most retreats have a sliding payment scale, so Brady might even qualify for a reduced tuition fee, because hell forfeit $235,000 in salary during his banishment.?As crazy as this election has been, Brady provided one of my favorite moments last September, when he said it would be great if his good friend Donald Trump won the White House and displayed a Make America Great Again hat in his locker. He later told a Boston radio station hed been taken out of context and that he doesnt know whom he will support. All of which made me think Brady uses the phrase taken out of context the way Ricky Bobby throws around with all due respect. Anyway, at the time Trump credited Brady with his 48 percent approval rating in Boston. The candidate Brady once called remarkable is now in a tightening race and looking for all the help he can get. Meanwhile, Brady just happens to have lots of spare time and a need for a daily conditioning routine. Its a win-win: Stump for Trump.?Ben Affleck and Matt Damon have pretty much established themselves as Bradys biggest fanboys. If those guys sat through Bradys performance against Denver (56.4 passer rating) and his similar playoff performance against the Ravens in 2009, then its time for the QB to return the favor. He should spend the month binge-watching all 138 Affleck and Damon movies, starting with a double feature: Stuck on You and Gigli.?This one might hit a little close to home for Patriots loyalists: In July, Russian adventurer Fedor Konyukhov set a record by flying his hot-air balloon around the world in 11 days, then announced hed try next to break the altitude record of 21 kilometers. Wed like to get to 25 kilometers, he said, showing off a beard that would make Ryan Fitzpatrick feel inadequate. If Americas going to be great again, it needs to reclaim ballooning, no? Hmm, if only there were a super-wealthy sportsman/benefactor with a working knowledge of inflation and pressurization who just happened to have some free time on his hands ...?If you told a Patriots fan it typically takes world-class climbers around a year of preparation and 40 days of climbing to acclimate before trying to summit Mt. Everest, you know exactly how theyd respond: Sir Edmund Hillary was a loser! My boy Tawme could do it in 30.One of the main reasons Brady is still playing at an All-Pro level at age 39 is that each off-season he focuses on one specific aspect of his game -- footwork, touch, vision, sideline passes -- and works tirelessly to improve it. (A trick Aaron Rodgers has adopted.) So my guess is, despite all these brilliant ideas, Brady is pretty much going to treat September less like a four-game suspension and more like a bonus 30 days for his off-season regimen. It might take that long to come up with something he needs to improve. I guess his footwork could use a little cleaning up, and even Brady himself has said he wants to work on doing a better job side-stepping that first pass-rusher and keeping plays alive, the way Dan Marino did late in his career. Brady could use a little more zip on his long ball, I suppose, which means focusing on his hips, glutes and core (thats where you generate throwing power, not the arm.) Or, he could work on targeting someone other than Gronk in the red zone, but why? (Unless its J.J. Watt.)More than 2,500 people have won the Lombardi Trophy, but only 555 have been to space. If Bradys looking for the absolute most baller thing to buy during his 30 days off, this is it: Purchase a few $250,000 seats on the first commercial spaceship. Virgin Galactic recently got a license to start shuttling paying passengers 62 miles up, after some more testing, at an undetermined date. Brady could take his family and Gronk. Honestly, who doesnt want to see Gronk in zero Gs?Brady is signed through 2019, but at 39 it might not hurt for him to start planning for retirement. What about a 30-day internship at Drew Bledsoes Doubleback winery in Walla Walla, Wash.? He could learn all about cabernet sauvignon, the transition into the next phase of his life and what could possibly be in store for him should Jimmy Garoppolo set the world on fire during New Englands first four games. Bledsoe bought the land for his winery just a few years after he was severely injured, then cold-heartedly replaced by Bill Belichick in 2001. And if you dont think theres a chance Brady could share the same fate, well, you dont fully understand Belichicks genius for eliminating emotion and rating players purely by their dollar value within the NFLs strict economic structure.As Brady is about to find out, a lot can happen in 30 days away from the game.Illustrations by Ward Sutton Hydro Flask 32 OZ . Just as Montreal was settling into the first full working week of a new year, the Impact announced the appointment of their new head coach. Hydro Flask Suomi . The Lightning are 2-0 so far on a four-game road trip, giving the club five straight wins as the guest and improving Tampas away record this season to 11-8-2. http://www.hydroflaskpullosuomi.com/ . He said Tuesday thats a big reason why he is now the new coach of the Tennessee Titans. Whisenhunt said he hit it off quickly with Ruston Webster when interviewing for the job Friday night. Hydro Flask Straw Lid . The 19-year-old Olsen played 34 games with the Kelowna Rockets of the WHL this season. In that time, hes recorded 17 goals and 17 assists with 36 penalty minutes. Hydro Flask 24 OZ . Soukalova missed only one target and completed the 15-kilometre course in 40 minutes, 32.6 seconds for both victories in this seasons individual discipline. Darya Domracheva of Belarus was second, 34. ALAMEDA, Calif. -- Denver Broncos linebacker Brandon Marshall, who has taken a knee during the national anthem in each of the Broncos first eight games this season, stood for the anthem before Sundays game against the Oakland Raiders.Marshall said he will stand for the remainder of the season and explained why in a statement on Instagram Sunday.In his statement, Marshall referenced OShaine Evans, an Oakland man shot and killed by San Francisco Police in 2014.Reports at the time said Evans poinnted an unloaded gun at police outside AT&T Park as police were investigating break-ins to cars outside the stadium during San Francisco Giants games.ddddddddddddSince announcing he would take a knee during the anthem, Marshall has donated money for every tackle he makes to organizations that work with youth.Marshall has also met with the Denver Police Department. ' ' '